Calm down a heated text or email before you send it

Paste the message you're itching to send and get a calmer version that still says what you mean.

The problem

A text fired off in anger to a spouse, ex, family member, coach or neighbor can do damage that takes weeks to fix. In the moment it is hard to tell whether the message is firm or just harsh.

Step by step

1. 1Write the message you want to send in your notes app, not in the text thread, so you can't send it by accident.
2. 2Remove last names, addresses and anything private about other people, then paste it into ChatGPT or Claude with the prompt below.
3. 3Read the calmer versions and pick the one that still says what you actually need.
4. 4Wait at least an hour, or overnight if you can, then reread before you send.
5. 5If a conversation keeps escalating, ask whether a phone call or in-person talk would go better than more texting.

Copy-paste prompt

I'm upset and about to send this message to [relationship]. Context: [what happened]. What I actually need from them: [apology / a change / an answer / just to be heard]. My draft: "[paste]". Please: (1) tell me honestly how this will probably come across to them; (2) point out any lines that blame, exaggerate ("always", "never") or could escalate things; (3) give me two rewrites, one calm and firm and one warmer, that keep my real point and stay short; (4) tell me if this would go better as a call or in person. Don't make me sound like a robot or a therapist.

Tips and watch-outs

• Draft in your notes app, not the text thread, so nothing sends by accident.
• Remove other people's private details before pasting.
• If you're still angry after the rewrite, wait until tomorrow.

Review AI output before using it. Don’t paste confidential, customer or patient data into tools your company hasn’t approved.